Oh the joys of middle school. New classes, new teachers, new friends, new experiences and delightful, completely inappropriate slang phrases. And the occasional curse word, designed to test the boundaries and see just how much slack I’m giving her these days. The Ringlet’s school is very large and incredibly diverse, so she tends to be exposed to every single possible walk of life. On this particular day, the Ringlet and I were texting back and forth, me at work and her home doing her homework. We were joking around, picking at each other – an afternoon ritual for us – and I fired off a zinger in her direction, to which she replied, and I’m quoting here: “Hey. M’Dog. I’ma gone bust a cat in yo ass.”
Cat.
Cat???
In my WHAT????
So rather than text back, I picked up the phone and called her said “You’re going to do WHAT?” She tentatively repeated “Um. I’m gonna bust a cat in your…..ass?”
Me: Do you have even the slightest idea of what you just said?
Her: Well yeah. I’m gonna bust you in the butt with a cat.
Me: Um…no. First off it’s not CAT. It’s CAP.
Her: Well THAT doesn’t make any sense.
Me: (thinking oh my God she’s never gonna get into a good college) Hon, that phrase means “I am going to take a gun and shoot you.”
Her: Oh GOD that’s BAD. I said THAT?
Me: Yupper.
Her: Oh no.
Me: Actually what you said was more like you were going to bust somebody in the ass with your cat, but as long as we’re talking about things that don’t make sense . . . .
Her: Oh I can’t SAY that anymore!!!
Me: Most definitely not.
Her: I LIKE cats.
Me: Wait…….
Her: No no no no, I get it. I guess I should come home and ask you what things means before I say ‘em out loud next time, right?
Me: Absolutely.
Dear Lord: Please do your best to see that she doesn’t come home and ask me what “MILF” means. Thank you. Amen.
