Today is one of those days when I can still remember the second I laid eyes on my good friend's beautiful adopted son, to whom we affectionately refer as the Peanut. Mostly I can remember it because at Ringlet’s karate tournament yesterday, there was this itty, bitty, teeny, tiny, wee itsy bitsy little brown boy-critter in a white uniform way too big for his little body, with a white belt wrapped around his waist about 3 times about to stand up in front of a couple of big scary black belt judges and perform his little kata and that kid looked just like the Peanut did way back when. I chit you not, this kid couldn’t have been more than 10 inches tall. OK, maybe a little more than that, but by God not much.
He got up there and with eyes about as big as saucers, he stood before the judges and whispered what information he could remember from Clarence, his ENORMOUS instructor (who is actually quite a teddy bear if you can get past the wicked-scary front he likes to present) and started. When the time came for him to do his little karate screams at various parts of his kata, he would pause, think for a second and then turn to the judges, grit his teeth and growl at them.
I was almost wetting myself from trying not to laugh.
And when this little adorable thing got done and bowed, the whole crowd stood up and clapped, whistled and cheered louder than they had all day long.
And THAT’s what made him cry.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Tales from the Big Boat - Time to Throw Down
Our captain decided not to attempt to enter one of our ports of call due to high winds combined with big rocks in the entrance channel and, in response to the outcry of some passengers about missing a port of call, the ship was diverted to arrive in the Keys the following day. As a result, we found ourselves back in the States and required to go through immigration procedures before leaving the ship, which caused a bit of a backup on the staircases leading off the ship. People were hot, stuffy and getting more than a little cranky after half an hour of just standing on the stairs, waiting to make the most of their day.
Ringlet was standing at the bottom of the first staircase down, right before the landing that turns to head down the second set of stairs to the next deck level. I was right behind her and Mr. Ringie was bringing up the rear. There were lots of people around, just sullenly waiting it out. Quite suddenly, a man a little older than me and wearing sunglasses and a hat, who was situated past the landing and down a few stairs, looked directly up at Ringlet, clapped his hands and said “Come here L. Come to daddy honey.” By “L”, I mean called her by name.
I stopped breathing, turned and glared at him. Ringlet backed up a step toward me.
He did it again. He said “Come on L, my sweetie, come to your daddy.”
By now, he was speaking loudly enough for the half deaf Mr. Ringie to hear him as well, and I felt him stiffen from head to toe behind me, calculating how badly it would hurt his knees to launch himself at this guy who seeminly had a well developed death wish.
I said, out loud, “Who is that guy?” and a lady on the landing looked at me and, pointing to Ringlet, said “Why it’s HER father.” I said “the HELL it is. THAT’s her father” and pointed behind me. She looked up, spied Mr. Ringie and quietly murmured “uh oh.”
Just as I was about to turn to this guy and unload, he clapped his hands again, made a bunch of loud sloppy kissy noises and said “Come ON L. Come ON my sweetie. Come to your Daddy.”
And I snapped.
I whirled on the guy and bellowed “Who ARE you and why are you speaking to my child.”
He stopped and got this confused look on his face. He took off his sunglasses and looked at me, looked at Ringlet and then his eyes got rilly rilly wide as he held up his hands and said “no no nononononono” and pointing at Ringlet, said “beHIND her.”
Right behind Ringlet, same age, same hair, same everything was HIS daughter. Also named L. When he realized what was happening, he turned back to me and EVERYbody was holding their breath as he said “Oh My God. How much longer did I have to live?”
And me being me, smiled and said “Dude, you had approximately 5 seconds until I vaulted this rail, landed on you and force fed you those sunglasses by way of your a$$.”
The whole staircase broke up, and for the rest of the long shuffle out of the ship, you could hear people from all over piping up with “COME TO YOUR DADDY!!!!!”
Ringlet was standing at the bottom of the first staircase down, right before the landing that turns to head down the second set of stairs to the next deck level. I was right behind her and Mr. Ringie was bringing up the rear. There were lots of people around, just sullenly waiting it out. Quite suddenly, a man a little older than me and wearing sunglasses and a hat, who was situated past the landing and down a few stairs, looked directly up at Ringlet, clapped his hands and said “Come here L. Come to daddy honey.” By “L”, I mean called her by name.
I stopped breathing, turned and glared at him. Ringlet backed up a step toward me.
He did it again. He said “Come on L, my sweetie, come to your daddy.”
By now, he was speaking loudly enough for the half deaf Mr. Ringie to hear him as well, and I felt him stiffen from head to toe behind me, calculating how badly it would hurt his knees to launch himself at this guy who seeminly had a well developed death wish.
I said, out loud, “Who is that guy?” and a lady on the landing looked at me and, pointing to Ringlet, said “Why it’s HER father.” I said “the HELL it is. THAT’s her father” and pointed behind me. She looked up, spied Mr. Ringie and quietly murmured “uh oh.”
Just as I was about to turn to this guy and unload, he clapped his hands again, made a bunch of loud sloppy kissy noises and said “Come ON L. Come ON my sweetie. Come to your Daddy.”
And I snapped.
I whirled on the guy and bellowed “Who ARE you and why are you speaking to my child.”
He stopped and got this confused look on his face. He took off his sunglasses and looked at me, looked at Ringlet and then his eyes got rilly rilly wide as he held up his hands and said “no no nononononono” and pointing at Ringlet, said “beHIND her.”
Right behind Ringlet, same age, same hair, same everything was HIS daughter. Also named L. When he realized what was happening, he turned back to me and EVERYbody was holding their breath as he said “Oh My God. How much longer did I have to live?”
And me being me, smiled and said “Dude, you had approximately 5 seconds until I vaulted this rail, landed on you and force fed you those sunglasses by way of your a$$.”
The whole staircase broke up, and for the rest of the long shuffle out of the ship, you could hear people from all over piping up with “COME TO YOUR DADDY!!!!!”
Tales from the Big Boat #1: Ringlet Meets a Boy
Carnival Valor – pretty big ship. Lots of kids. Lots of kids Ringlet’s age. Lots of boys Ringlet’s age. Lots and lots and lots. Hysterically, this was our first full day on the ship, and we were relaxing in the lounge chairs on the level up above the pool where we could watch the ocean go by on one side and keep an eye on the pool in which Ringlet was splashing with the other. We had fruity drinks. We had nice people around us and the sun was pouring out 85 degree heat. It was great.
Until I felt Mr. Ringie poking me in the arm. I ignored him for the first 10 pokes or so and finally turned and hissed, “WHAT?” He was sitting there, waggling his arm in the direction of the pool with a panicky look on his face, telling me to “Go look. She’s talking to boys. Make it stop.” The people to my left started giggling behind their hands. I told him to just sit down and relax and leave her alone.
Not 10 minutes later, I saw her coming up the stairs to our level and right behind her was a nice looking young boy, around her age. They were kind of talking back and forth. Looked like a plot to me, but fortunately, Mr. Ringie was fretting and facing in an entirely different direction.
Ringlet parked herself in front of her father and one look at the shiteatin' grin on her face should have been enough to know what was coming, but she pulled the boy around her, placed him directly in front of her and this young boy looked Mr. Ringie right in the face, stuck out his right hand, and loudly blurted “Hello Mr. Ringie. My name is Casey. I’m 12 years old. I’m from Martinsburg, West Virginia and I’d like to ask you if it’s OK with you if I go with Ringlet to get some pizza.”
Mr. Ringie just sat there. I held my breath. I had to or I was gonna laugh out loud. The people next to us started snorting and giggling. Mr. Ringie stammered. Mr. Ringie struggled mightily to come up with something to say that was both stern and fatherly. What he managed to pinch out was “Uhhhh…….” I quickly told them to go get some pizza and have fun. When they were about 50 feet away, Mr. Ringie came out of his stroke and howled “Get some WHAT and have some WHAT?”
We quickly found a waiter and a big fruity drink.
Until I felt Mr. Ringie poking me in the arm. I ignored him for the first 10 pokes or so and finally turned and hissed, “WHAT?” He was sitting there, waggling his arm in the direction of the pool with a panicky look on his face, telling me to “Go look. She’s talking to boys. Make it stop.” The people to my left started giggling behind their hands. I told him to just sit down and relax and leave her alone.
Not 10 minutes later, I saw her coming up the stairs to our level and right behind her was a nice looking young boy, around her age. They were kind of talking back and forth. Looked like a plot to me, but fortunately, Mr. Ringie was fretting and facing in an entirely different direction.
Ringlet parked herself in front of her father and one look at the shiteatin' grin on her face should have been enough to know what was coming, but she pulled the boy around her, placed him directly in front of her and this young boy looked Mr. Ringie right in the face, stuck out his right hand, and loudly blurted “Hello Mr. Ringie. My name is Casey. I’m 12 years old. I’m from Martinsburg, West Virginia and I’d like to ask you if it’s OK with you if I go with Ringlet to get some pizza.”
Mr. Ringie just sat there. I held my breath. I had to or I was gonna laugh out loud. The people next to us started snorting and giggling. Mr. Ringie stammered. Mr. Ringie struggled mightily to come up with something to say that was both stern and fatherly. What he managed to pinch out was “Uhhhh…….” I quickly told them to go get some pizza and have fun. When they were about 50 feet away, Mr. Ringie came out of his stroke and howled “Get some WHAT and have some WHAT?”
We quickly found a waiter and a big fruity drink.
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