Tales from the Big Boat - Time to Throw Down

Our captain decided not to attempt to enter one of our ports of call due to high winds combined with big rocks in the entrance channel and, in response to the outcry of some passengers about missing a port of call, the ship was diverted to arrive in the Keys the following day. As a result, we found ourselves back in the States and required to go through immigration procedures before leaving the ship, which caused a bit of a backup on the staircases leading off the ship. People were hot, stuffy and getting more than a little cranky after half an hour of just standing on the stairs, waiting to make the most of their day.

Ringlet was standing at the bottom of the first staircase down, right before the landing that turns to head down the second set of stairs to the next deck level. I was right behind her and Mr. Ringie was bringing up the rear. There were lots of people around, just sullenly waiting it out. Quite suddenly, a man a little older than me and wearing sunglasses and a hat, who was situated past the landing and down a few stairs, looked directly up at Ringlet, clapped his hands and said “Come here L. Come to daddy honey.” By “L”, I mean called her by name.

I stopped breathing, turned and glared at him. Ringlet backed up a step toward me.

He did it again. He said “Come on L, my sweetie, come to your daddy.”

By now, he was speaking loudly enough for the half deaf Mr. Ringie to hear him as well, and I felt him stiffen from head to toe behind me, calculating how badly it would hurt his knees to launch himself at this guy who seeminly had a well developed death wish.

I said, out loud, “Who is that guy?” and a lady on the landing looked at me and, pointing to Ringlet, said “Why it’s HER father.” I said “the HELL it is. THAT’s her father” and pointed behind me. She looked up, spied Mr. Ringie and quietly murmured “uh oh.”

Just as I was about to turn to this guy and unload, he clapped his hands again, made a bunch of loud sloppy kissy noises and said “Come ON L. Come ON my sweetie. Come to your Daddy.”

And I snapped.

I whirled on the guy and bellowed “Who ARE you and why are you speaking to my child.”

He stopped and got this confused look on his face. He took off his sunglasses and looked at me, looked at Ringlet and then his eyes got rilly rilly wide as he held up his hands and said “no no nononononono” and pointing at Ringlet, said “beHIND her.”

Right behind Ringlet, same age, same hair, same everything was HIS daughter. Also named L. When he realized what was happening, he turned back to me and EVERYbody was holding their breath as he said “Oh My God. How much longer did I have to live?”

And me being me, smiled and said “Dude, you had approximately 5 seconds until I vaulted this rail, landed on you and force fed you those sunglasses by way of your a$$.”

The whole staircase broke up, and for the rest of the long shuffle out of the ship, you could hear people from all over piping up with “COME TO YOUR DADDY!!!!!”