A Few Random Thoughts

OK. This one isn't exactly funny. If you were expecting funny, keep going.

It's been a rough month, and even though God and I have had a few conversations over the sheer size of the sledge hammer he used to get my husband and me to open our eyes, I have to trust that he knows his hammers. And during the course of the bludgeoning, I have learned this about us and suspect it can apply to everyone. Except for one person, and that bitch knows who she is. Ooops. That one just kinda slipped out. Continuing:

1. If he loved the sound of your voice telling him you loved him 20 years ago, he still loves it today.

2. If the touch of your hand comforted him 20 years ago, it comforts him even more now that he's older.

3. There are women out there who will call you friend, look you in the eye and smile as they reach behind you to steal your world. Learn to recognize them.

4. It's seldom all his fault. It really DOES take two.

5. It's seldom all your fault. Because it really DOES take two.

6. You love your kids. They love you. Now get a sitter and go out with your man and take him to a place lit only by candles. Or the bowling alley. Depends on your guy.

7. Praise him.

8. Tell him you love him. Mean it. Do it regularly. Don't roll your eyes when you do it.

9. Talk to him. Don't yell or whine. Sit down, take his hand and TALK to him. If you don't know how to do that, learn. You're an intelligent woman. Learn one of the most important lessons of your life - communication.

10. If you're a guy reading this, flip all these gender tags around accordingly because this applies to you guys too. All of it.

11. Just as you want to know that those pants don't make you look fat, he wants to know that you still find him attractive. If you want to be told that you're still hot, still desirable, so does he. So tell him. Pat that butt and tell him. MORE than once every month or so.

12. Continue to be on the look-out for the thieving bitches. Carry roach spray for when you see 'em. **hint** You can usually find them schlepping around overpriced retail clothing establishments who have decided that high price tags makes clothing that would otherwise be considered crap worth buying, yanking down minimum wage, wearing a plastic name tag, and trying not to look as though she's so old that the rest of the kids working there could easily be her children, which of course, she is. So sorry. I'm doing it again.

13. Repeat steps 1 through 12. Buy more roach spray.