Twofer on the Sauna Belt

I'm dialing right now. I'm spending $80 for an ugly blue plastic hot belt thingy cause I get a second one for half price. I'm gonna drop five inches off my waist by doing nuthin. I'm gonna sit on my butt watching Days of Our Lives and feel the inches just melt off. I'm gonna "sweat off excess calories" doing nothing because exercise does the same thing, but it's messy and takes a LOT of effort and who wants that? I'm gonna look just like those models and gym rats on the TV and I ain't never even gonna get outta my barcalounger. Except to hose it off from all the sweat. And apparently I can never drink water again for the rest of my life or all that weight I lost on the couch will come screamin right back. I can do THAT! I think we need to actually START a website with a name my buddy created, www.Iamaflockingmoron.com, where we can stick all the profoundly stupid gimmicky snake oil garbage products that people are conned into buying every single morning on these friggin horrid infomercials. I would personally like to model the Velform Sauna Belt while slumped on my couch, eating chicken wings and throwing the bones at the TV screen with a six pack of Bud at my side. Cans. That is all.