1. Gather up doggy coats.
2. Quietly gather leashes so they can't hear you gathering leashes.
3. Pick self up off floor after having been mowed down by greyhounds who heard you gathering leashes.
4. Get dogs off coats.
5. Put coats on dogs.
6. Take off coats and put big coat on big dog, etc.
7. Snap on leashes.
8. Try to open door.
9. Try again.
10. Smack face on edge of door as dogs pull you through before it's actually open.
11. Hit garage door opener with hand not currently pressed to rapidly swelling face.
12. Smack face on garage door that isn't actually up yet as dogs rocket out garage.
13. Stagger into driveway.
14. Yell to nosey neighbor that, no damnit it, you haven't been into the vodka . . . yet.
15. Off we go.
16. Switch leashes to line up with dog.
17. Switch.
18. Switch.
19. Switch.
20. Switch.
21. Screw it.
22. Try to trot.
23. Examine bleeding knee and decide that's a really stupid idea.
24. Stop so doggy can smell bush.
25. Stop so doggy can smell grass.
26. Stop so doggy can smell birdpoop on sidewalk.
27. Stop so doggy can smell things that aren't even freaking THERE.
28. See squirrel a split second too late to save rotator cuff.
29. Get completely spun around while one dog goes one way, and the other dog goes in the opposite direction.
30. Walk walk walk.
31. See dog about to take crap in rilly rilly mean neighbor's yard.
32. Stop dog and make him crab walk to other side of sidewalk and poop there.
33. Put hand in pocket to find you have no poop bags.
34. Stare at kleenex and seriously consider it.
35. Decide kleenex is about as good an idea as the trotting nonsense.
36. Stoop down, make rustly picky uppy motions and "pretend".
37. After reaching half way point of walk, turn around so you can see lazy ass dogs as you drag them along.
38. Call, cajole, make promises you have no intention of keeping.
39. Give up.
40. Creep along as we smell more invisible stuff.
41. Jump over leash as it tangles around your legs.
42. Look around to see who saw you go down.
43. Spy your house.
44. Race for house. Hell with that trotting shit.
45. Open garage door.
46. Smack entire upper body on garage door as dogs shoot under.
47. Thank God the door to house opens in the OTHER direction on the way back in.
48. Cut loose demons from hell.
49. NOW open vodka.
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3 comments:
So this is the Braided Leash Dance. Hmmm. Think I'll stick to dogsitting.
btw, great blog!
Next time, I would open the vodka first!
And, I thought I had problems with my 'runt' Dalmation.
I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one that thinks walking more than one dog is cause for a drink - although I think my dogs outweigh yours by a lot - they don't get walked until the shoulder is a lot stronger.
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